Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Retreat to a New Place that is Home

I must go. No Roommate for weeks on end can not do what time in the cabin does. I tried.
The computer, the phone, the food, the mindlessness-enabling comforts of home.
When I knew I had to go, I had the most amazing dream.
An "I know you're listening" dream.

from Failed Transmissions - printed silk pillow
There are many flavors of dreams and this was of the THIS IS YOUR LIFE variety, most commonly portrayed in books about dreams, as though we always dreamed in crystalline metaphors and mystical archetypes with messages.  But this one was just that. Complete with the white spirit animal, up in my face until aknowledged as such. My general sense of something going on in my life was so beautifully illustrated in this amazingly vivid and electrified place. It showed me that several things were converging as one significance, versus "i met these new friends, and i'm going to the cabin to clear my head, and i've been thinking about this distant connection lately". I was literally walked to a New Place and after receiving an envelope with some money in it the organizers provided as part of registration or whatever, I turned to see this breathtaking view to my right. Green mountainsides and rocky outcroppings, gleaming in the sun. It stopped me in my tracks. This was my new home, and even better - I loved it here. We walked back along the line and there some women older than i, more new friends from this place, laughed with me as if we'd know each other for a long time -  and suggested some places I might like to hang out. I was excited about surprising a new friend with a trip I was sure he'd like. Something to do with wine. I had tickets. My mom argued that it wasn't today, it was tomorrow - when i couldn't go because of work. I argued back, but a poster on second look listed all 3 days being in ALBANY. Huh. I guess Albany is closer than I'd imagined? Or why else would they be advertising here? I looked at a map. But it wasn't a paper map, it was something else - made of life or something. It showed Albany to the bottom left, and my cabin area/also this new world in the center, and I struggled to locate familiar Massachusetts up in the righthand corner. It grew small and disconnected. I imagined a simple route south, but then the "road", looking like a wide river, was long and indirect, with no direct lines to my destination. As I forgot about Albany, it would reassert itself, like the animals in my dreams - demanding some lucid attention from me before letting me get on with the dream.
When I woke up I was so grateful. So many "failed transmissions"... this one was clearer. A bone thrown. Every image was so easily associated with current feelings and thoughts and dynamics, while shedding new light on them. But WTF is with Albany? Superstitious about my relationship with whatever grants me these dreams, I figured I'd better look into it if I wanted any more. I asked my friend Jeff. Nothing.
That day I went to check weather.com for the temp. out in the Berkshires this week. It's always hard because the park is hard to locate near a town that's listed. So I tried one out, and stared at the mapless page, realizing the futility and pointlessness anyhow. It was going to be fucking cold. And then below the listing it says CHECK UPDATES FOR ALBANY, NY. I thought it was weird but didn't make the connection till later, after asking around about it, doing a quick map check online (holy geography. I have no sense of upstate new york. I was imagining Albany where Ithica is)...anyhow then I watch my daily rerun of the Office, and the scranton branch is playing volleyball at the company picnic. I'm leaning into my screen to read the matching t-shirts of the other team. ALBANY.

So off I go. This is not Cabin #1. This is "the other one" at Mohawk. It is large. Twice as much wood to heat - high ceilings and a second room even. But it gets more light and is therefore a bit nicer to spend a day inside reading, sitting, writing, singing, sitting, eating, all while tending the fire. I will be back Friday. There are outcomes I'm hoping for. I'll admit that. The work of Byron Katie rarely fails me. But what I always know for sure is that cabin times deliver exactly what I need. Dreams, pests, injury, forgotten items, interruptions, crazymaking thoughts, fear... bring it, my friends! I give thanks in advance!
(of course Beary comes along. Are you going to ask that every time?)